Inner Alchemy Alcove

As we navigate the journey of self-awareness and healing, there’s a fundamental truth that often gets overlooked: we don’t know what we don’t know. This isn’t just a catchy phrase; it’s a reminder that we can’t expect ourselves—or others—to have skills we’ve never been exposed to or given the chance to learn. When we’re frustrated by someone’s social skills, emotional reactivity, or seeming inability to handle stress, it can help to take a step back and consider that they may genuinely not know any other way.

Many of the behaviors we find challenging, whether in ourselves or in others, are simply patterns that haven’t had the opportunity to evolve. Trauma and survival mechanisms often leave little space for learning skills like healthy communication, emotional regulation, or even self-compassion. That’s why, even when someone releases trauma from their body, they don’t automatically gain the life skills they may need to live in a balanced and connected way. Releasing trauma is a critical part of healing, but it’s not the entire picture. Trauma release creates the space; from there, learning new skills fills it.

Healing as Skill-Building: Learning New Pathways

Healing is, in many ways, a process of skill-building. Whether it’s learning to hold space for others, practicing self-compassion, or managing our responses in difficult moments, every new skill we learn carves a new neural pathway in the brain. Over time, we build these pathways into reliable maps, transforming what once triggered stress or defensiveness into responses rooted in calm and connection.

If we’ve never learned how to hold space for someone, we might freeze or panic in moments where others need our presence. But holding space is a skill that can be practiced and embodied. In learning it, we create a new way for our brain and nervous system to respond. Slowly, what once felt overwhelming becomes manageable, and we can show up more fully in those situations without our bodies defaulting to survival mode.

The Importance of Both Top-Down and Bottom-Up Approaches

In trauma recovery, healing often involves both “top-down” and “bottom-up” approaches. Top-down approaches work with thoughts and beliefs, while bottom-up approaches focus on somatic (body-based) experiences. These approaches are not mutually exclusive; rather, they complement each other and work best when integrated.

Top-down strategies, like learning cognitive skills, help us reframe our thoughts and understand new concepts intellectually. Meanwhile, bottom-up approaches, such as somatic therapy, address the trauma stored in our body and help us release it. For many, especially those who experienced early developmental trauma, starting with the body is essential because our formative experiences shape our nervous system long before our cognitive mind develops. Healing often begins with helping the body feel safe and stable again, then moves into cognitive reconditioning as we progress.

For instance, if all you’ve ever known is to manipulate or become defensive to get your needs met, you’re likely to keep using those strategies until you learn a new way. Trauma teaches us strategies to survive, not necessarily to thrive. Learning alternative ways to meet our needs—ways that don’t involve hurting ourselves or others—requires not just knowing better, but practicing and embodying these new methods until they become our default responses. This is where embodiment comes in.

The Power of Embodiment: Living What We Learn

Embodiment is the process of integrating and living what we know intellectually. It’s about grounding our insights in physical experiences so they become second nature. Embodiment is vital in trauma recovery because it connects the knowledge in our minds with the sensations in our bodies, allowing us to shift from merely thinking about change to truly feeling and living it.

Imagine someone who has intellectually learned the importance of setting boundaries. They may understand, cognitively, what boundaries are and why they matter. But if they haven’t embodied this knowledge, if they haven’t practiced setting and holding boundaries in their body, they may find themselves freezing or reverting to old habits in the moment. Through embodied practices—like somatic therapy, breathwork, or mindful movement—they can learn to feel grounded and safe while asserting boundaries. Over time, the body begins to support this process, not just the mind.

Embodiment allows top-down and bottom-up approaches to work in harmony. We can’t create lasting change through intellectual understanding alone. Our bodies and nervous systems need to feel and practice these new ways of being until they’re woven into our responses. Through embodied practices, we teach our bodies a different way to respond to the world—one that’s rooted in connection and presence, rather than survival.

Anxiety is often portrayed as a single feeling—tightness in the chest, a racing heart, or restless thoughts—but for many, it manifests in much more subtle or surprising ways. Recognizing these hidden faces of anxiety can be a powerful first step toward understanding and healing. This article will explore how anxiety shows up in less obvious ways, from sensations and behaviors to nuanced thought patterns, and offer insights into how to bring awareness to these experiences.

Learning, Healing, and Embodiment: Coming Home to Ourselves

Ultimately, healing is a process of remembering and reconnecting with our innate capacity for resilience, safety, and connection. Learning to hold space, communicate effectively, and regulate our emotions are all skills we can practice to rediscover parts of ourselves that may have been buried under layers of survival strategies. Healing isn’t about becoming someone new or reaching for something far away—it’s about returning to a natural state of presence that’s already within us, waiting to be accessed.

Through a blend of skill-building, somatic healing, and embodied practice, we’re able to shed old patterns that no longer serve us and step more fully into the person we’ve always been underneath. It’s a journey of integration, where we start to live from a place of grounded authenticity and inner safety. In essence, healing helps us not to strive for something we’re not, but to return to our true self—feeling it, living it, and knowing it deeply.

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I’d love to hear your thoughts, experiences, and any questions you may have. Please feel free to share them in the comments below—your perspective could inspire others as we continue to grow together.

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   Thank you so much for your thoughtful feedback. I’m so glad to hear that what I shared was useful and…

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   Dear Lauren I just want to thank you for your article, and wider work. Your YouTube channel also. I tried…

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   This explains so much of my relationships, all of them actually. I have no relationships, other than work, and they…

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   Absolutely, self-regulation is such a powerful tool! It’s all about finding that balance and maintaining control over our emotions and…