Inner Alchemy Alcove

Feeling numb, disconnected, or like you’re just going through the motions rather than truly living is more common than many realize. Some people seek out extreme experiences—adrenaline-fueled adventures, intense emotions, or even self-destructive behaviors—in an attempt to feel something. Others retreat into their minds, ruminating and overanalyzing, hoping they can think their way back into connection.

But the root of this disconnection often isn’t what we assume. It’s not that you don’t have emotions. It’s that your nervous system has learned to suppress or mute them as a survival response. Instead of feeling and processing, you’re hovering in a mental fog, analyzing everything from a distance. And for those of us who have spent a lifetime in this state, it can feel so natural that we don’t even recognize it as disconnection—it’s just “how we are.”

To understand this, we need to explore why the body and mind separate in the first place, how overthinking perpetuates this cycle, and how the nervous system mistakes relaxation for danger.

The Overthinking Trap: How Living in Your Head Fuels Disconnection

When you feel numb, your first instinct might be to figure it out—to analyze your emotions, search for a root cause, or try to “fix” yourself through logical reasoning. But this very act of overthinking pulls you further away from your body.

A common cycle unfolds:

1. You feel numb or detached.

2. You try to analyze it, searching for a reason.

3. The analysis reinforces disconnection, keeping you stuck in your head.

4. The body remains unresponsive, making you feel even more numb.

5. You panic and overthink even more, repeating the cycle.

The irony is that emotions don’t live in the mind; they live in the body. Trying to think your way back into feeling is like trying to navigate an ocean by staring at a map—you can see the landscape, but you’re not actually in the water.

The Nervous System’s Role in Disconnection

Disconnection isn’t a flaw in your personality—it’s a deeply ingrained nervous system response. Your body has adapted to function this way for a reason.

1. Overstimulation in Childhood

If your early life was full of chaos, high emotions, or constant stimulation, your nervous system may have been conditioned to equate that state with “normal.” When things become quiet or still, your body may misinterpret it as something being wrong.

For example, if you grew up in an unpredictable environment—where tension or conflict was always present—calmness can feel unsettling. Instead of experiencing relaxation, your nervous system might register it as a void, an eerie silence before an impending storm. As a result, you might unconsciously seek out stress or stimulation just to feel “okay.”

2. Chronic Survival Mode

Long-term stress or trauma can push the nervous system into a dorsal vagal shutdown—a state where the body numbs itself as a form of protection. Instead of staying hyper-alert (fight-or-flight), it collapses into a freeze state, where emotions feel distant, energy is low, and the world seems muted. This is often mistaken for depression, but at its core, it’s a survival response.

3. Learned Emotional Suppression

If expressing emotions was met with punishment, dismissal, or ridicule when you were young, your body may have learned that feeling deeply wasn’t safe. Over time, the disconnection becomes automatic—you stop noticing your emotions altogether.

Numbness Isn’t an Absence of Emotion—It’s an Emotional Traffic Jam

A common misconception is that feeling numb means you have no emotions. But in reality, your emotions are still there—they’re just trapped beneath layers of suppression, hyper-analysis, and nervous system shutdown.

Imagine a dam holding back a massive river. The water (your emotions) is still flowing, but it’s being blocked. Over time, the pressure builds, and in moments of extreme stress, cracks may form—leading to emotional outbursts, panic attacks, or an overwhelming flood of feelings you don’t know how to process.

This is why some people who feel chronically numb may chase extreme experiences—to break through that dam, even if only temporarily. But sustainable healing doesn’t come from forcing emotions through shock or intensity; it comes from gently reconnecting with your body in a way that feels safe.

Reconnecting with Your Body: Steps Toward Healing

Healing from numbness isn’t about forcing yourself to feel—it’s about creating safety in your body so that emotions can naturally surface again. Here are some ways to begin that process:

1. Somatic Practices: Getting Out of Your Head and Into Your Body

Somatic practices focus on reconnecting with physical sensations, helping you tune into your body rather than getting lost in thought. Some examples include:

• Body Scans – Gently bringing awareness to different areas of the body without judgment.

• Breathwork – Using deep, intentional breathing to shift your nervous system out of shutdown.

• Progressive Muscle Relaxation – Tensing and releasing different muscle groups to signal safety to the body.

2. Embracing Stillness Without Panic

If relaxation makes you feel uneasy, it may be because your nervous system isn’t used to it. Instead of avoiding stillness, try easing into it with small, controlled moments—like sitting in quiet for just one minute, noticing how your body reacts, and gradually increasing your tolerance.

3. Grounding Exercises

Grounding helps bring you back into your body when you feel distant. Some techniques include:

• Pressing your feet into the ground and noticing the sensation.

• Holding something textured (like a stone or piece of fabric) and focusing on the physical feeling.

• Engaging your senses by naming things you can see, hear, touch, taste, and smell.

4. Gentle Movement

Since emotions live in the body, movement helps to release stuck energy. This doesn’t have to be intense—yoga, stretching, or even slow walking can help bridge the gap between mind and body.

5. Small Moments of Sensory Pleasure

Reconnecting with joy and sensation in small, non-overwhelming ways can help reawaken feeling. Try:

• Listening to music and noticing how your body responds.

• Taking a warm bath and focusing on the sensation of water.

• Eating something slowly and truly savoring the flavors.

6. Seeking Support When Needed

If deep disconnection persists, working with a therapist—especially one trained in somatic therapy—can help you gradually rebuild your sense of presence and safety within your body.

Reconnection Is a Gentle, Ongoing Process

If you’ve been numb for a long time, the idea of “feeling again” might seem overwhelming. But this isn’t about forcing emotions to surface or seeking extreme experiences to jolt yourself awake. It’s about slowly, safely rebuilding trust with your body—learning to inhabit it fully, without fear.

Disconnection isn’t a permanent state. It’s a survival response. And just as your nervous system adapted to numbness, it can also learn safety, presence, and connection.

If you resonate with feeling numb, I invite you to explore this experience with curiosity rather than frustration. Instead of asking, Why am I like this?, try asking:

• When do I feel most present in my body, even if only briefly?

• What sensations do I avoid or struggle to notice?

• Does stillness feel comforting or unsettling? Why?

• What was my relationship with emotions and stimulation growing up?

• In what small ways can I begin to reconnect without overwhelming myself?

Reconnection is about learning to listen to yourself again, in ways that feel safe and sustainable.

If you want to explore this further, here are some resources that can help:

Books for Understanding Disconnection & Reconnection

(Please note: these are Amazon affiliate links. I may earn a small commission from your purchase through these links at no extra cost to you. I appreciate your support by using these links as they help provide me with the means to afford keeping this blog online 🙏🏽)

The Body Keeps the Score – Bessel van der Kolk (How trauma shapes the body-mind connection)

Waking the Tiger – Peter Levine (A guide to healing through somatic experiencing)

Anchored – Deb Dana (A practical look at nervous system regulation)

My Grandmother’s Hands – Resmaa Menakem (Exploring trauma, embodiment, and generational healing)

Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection – Deb Dana (Hands-on practices for nervous system regulation)

Audible Membership – Access many of the recommended books in audiobook form for on-the-go learning.

Websites & Online Resources

The Polyvagal Institute (polyvagalinstitute.org) – Research and practical tools on nervous system regulation

Somatic Experiencing® International (traumahealing.org) – Resources for body-based healing

Nervous System Resource Hub by Deb Dana (rhythmofregulation.com) – Exercises and insights on vagus nerve health

Insight Timer (insighttimer.com) – Free guided meditations and somatic practices

Wherever you are on your journey, know that numbness is not the absence of life—it’s a signal from your body, asking to be heard. There is no rush, no right way to reconnect—only gentle steps toward presence, taken at your own pace.

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